Jonathan just took me from the restaurant to the hotel at a speed of 86 mph, and along the way we put the top down at some stoplight in newport beach (lucky one gets the convertible mustang) and sang the last song we heard while taking our last bite at The Crow (as our lead paid the bill) -- phantom planet. Just guess which song, can you? It was an amazing drive. The 405. Pacific Coast Highway. PCT. Lights. Warm weather. Hands UP. Cigarettes. A stale crushed Red Bull. And now I'm talking to my "roommate". And she's asking me about my living situation and I'm saying--
I wish he would just break his lease, goddammit. I wish we could live together already. (I swore to myself never to live with another unless I could endure heartbreak he or I created, with the ability to learn and overcome the issue.)
I wish he would just break his lease, I tell her. I want to live with him. I want to come home with him. Or go home to him. Or have him come home to me. Even if I'm sleeping, and never feel him curl up to me and exhaust into the top of my spine as I dream of flying and of eating pizza in Africa with my elementary teacher (ugh), I want to wake up to him. I want to fight over sock drawers. I want to toast in the rain on our back porch. I want to make fun of the sound he makes in the bathroom when there is no tv or radio on and I hear EVERYTHING. I want to have a weekend where he is away and I invite friendS over to make a table and then get drunk off craft beer he made. Fuck. I want this imagery. Badly. This is my vacation in my head...lately it's all i think about. Making it work with toothbrushes and one bathroom and lessons we've learned and the fucking MILES we have gone without each other. Even if the only this is ramen in our cabinets. Alright. Whatev. I season it with balsamic, he uses a touch of that aluminum chicken packet. Orange type. We totally have a long way to go before even considering being together long enough... despite the even further maybe/possible/NOFUCKINGWAY marriage consideration. Whatever. But I'm thousand of miles away from him. And he makes me laugh. And I want him to see this forecast on the news. Billings, Montana is closer than Chicago? Where the hell am I?! i want him to give me a reason not to move. to seattle, to portland, to nyc. wherever it is, i want him with me...always... because he's awesome as shit, and so amazing, and he gets me. I think he knows why exactly I love Seattle. I've just never asked him if he knows before...because I think he gets it.
Oh! The city. So yeah. Palm trees, sand, people, greatness. Me and Lead are the oldest here (he's 28, I'm 26. Reps are 25 or younger.) .........
I just think that...this bed is way too comfortable to be sleeping in it alone. And I'm an independent spirit at heart. I'll move miles on a whim and challege. That line makes me giggle.
hmm. he was fucking cheesy as all hell this evening. but i showed everyone. he's just....really concerned with everyone else liking him and accepting him. this may not last. but i'm ignoring that for as long as i can.
